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Hair of the Dog: Texans-Cowboys
03-06-2019, 04:32 AM,
Post: #1
Hair of the Dog: Texans-Cowboys
(Careful Where You Step; There’s Dog Mines All Through The Two Yard Line) Is it ever wrong to be ungrateful for a win?Because this win feels kind of hollow Youth Bruce Ellington Jersey , all things being equal.It’s great that the Texans beat the Cows 19-16, it’s great that we’re only one game back in the AFC South title fight, it’s just great to get a win period.But something isn’t sitting right about it.The Texans should’ve scored more than 19 points.A lot more.They got to within the five yard line five (5!) times and came away with a touchdown exactly once.The rest were either field goals or a turnover on downs.The offense was by no means bad last night.If it were, the Texans wouldn’t have even sniffed the red zone, as has happened in the past.But a lot of their red zone (read:within the five yard line in this case) woes can be boiled down to playcalling.Our Brain Genius O’Brien somehow managed to dial up exactly the dumbest possible play at every turn.In a twisted way it’s quite breathtaking, like managing to dodge every single raindrop in a storm except backwards.And that’s not even taking into account the number of times Brain O’Brien tried to kill Deshaun Watson.To be fair, Watson displayed some lemming tendencies as well, but Brain should know better by now than to call some of these plays.He’s even said, as recently as halftime LAST NIGHT that he had to do a better job of playcalling.On a side note:Can we please start a running tally on how many times he has said that up to this point and beyond?Because it’s reached Kubiakish “it’s on me” levels of irritating.That the Texans were not up by at least two scores can be attributed directly to the playcalling and to the fact that after four-plus years Brain O’Brien has not learned a [kittening] thing about how to coach an NFL team.That it required overtime and a return to the ever-present All-Field-Goal-Offense (which I invented as a joke but O’Brien seems to have taken literally) to eke out a win is beyond frustrating; and is a fundamental problem to the future of the Houston Texans.And if he somehow managed to get Deshaun Watson hurt on his designed run plays , may Durga have mercy on his soul because the people of Houston will not.But it’s a win.A win over the Cows.I’ll take it, but I’ll always wonder what would have happened with a better red zone performance.Anyway, let’s get to the game itself.As always, in finest Hair of the Dog tradition, all swear words have been replaced with the word [kitten] to make this safe to read at work.You’re welcome.Pre-Game Thoughts:MDCCapt RonUTMDC (to UT)BFDWestonUTLukeFirst Quarter:UTMDCUTMDC (to UT)Luke (to UT)Texans force Cows to settle for field goal, trail 3-0.LukeMDCDiehard ChrisUTMDC (to UT)Fairbairn shanks field goal, Texans still behind 3-0.UTMDCLukeBFDUTVegaBFDMDCLuke (to BFD)Cows kick another field goal, lead 6-0.UTWestonLukeMDCUTVegaMDCUT (to Vega)Second Quarter:WestonJeremyMDCUTLukeWatson the quick toss to Coutee Pie and the Texans take the lead 7-6.JeremyMDCWestonKenneth L.JeremyMDC (to Kenneth)UT (to Jeremy)LukeTexans force a stop on third down, nullified by a Clowney offsides penalty.UTMDCUTCapt RonUTKenneth L. (to UT)Luke (to UT)UTCapt RonWestonDiehard ChrisCapt RonUTLukeKenneth L.JeremyBrain O’Brien wimps out and kicks calls for a field goal.Texans lead 10-6.UTCapt RonUT (to Capt Ron)LukeMDCUTCapt RonMDC (to UT)UTTimVegaUTMDCVegaBFDLukeBFDTexans go for it on fourth and goal at the one yard line and come up short.UT (to BFD)MDCHalftime Reactions:MDCWestonCapt RonMDCLukeUTMDCCapt RonUTBFDUTMDC (to UT)UT Capt RonUTThird Quarter:LukeNuk fumbles the ball Youth Kareem Jackson Jersey , Cows recover.UTAw [kitten].BFDMDCTavon Austin catch is ruled incomplete, Cows challenge.MDCVega (to UT)MDCCall stands, Cows lose timeout.Texans challenge a first down, because reasons.UTVegaMDCUTLukeMDCCapt RonCall is overturned, is ruled second and one at the six rather than first and 10 at the five.Quite a relief.Cows score on obvious TD anyway.Great job, Brain.Cows lead 13-10.UTBFDMDCUT (to MDC)Capt RonVegaMDCUTMDCVegaUTMDCCapt RonJustin Reid intercepts Dak Prescott. Call stands after review.MDCCapt RonWestonUTCapt RonMDCVegaWestonCapt RonLukeUTLukeCapt Ron (to UT)UT (to Luke)Capt RonTexans tie the game again, 13-13.UTWestonBFDCapt RonFourth Quarter:VegaUTBFDIt wasn’t.Capt RonMDCWestonCapt RonUTMDCCapt RonBFDUT (to BFD)MDC (to BFD)Weston (to BFD)We know you have bad taste, Big Matt.Capt RonWestonVegaUTBFDVegaMDCUTCapt RonTexans take the lead on, you guessed it Womens Kevin Johnson Jersey , another field goal.Lead 16-13.UTMDCBFDVegaUTMDCCapt RonCows tie the game at 16-16.MDCVegaUT (to Vega)Capt RonMDC (to Vega)WestonMDCKenneth L. (to MDC)WestonMDCUTMDC (to UT)Kenneth L. (to UT)MDCBFD (to UT)VegaUTWestonVega (to Weston)Overtime:VegaWestonKenneth L.MDCVegaUTWestonBFDCapt RonVegaDeAndre Hopkins runs to the Cows’ 27 yard line after making what appeared to be 22 spin moves to get there.VegaUTCapt RonLukeCapt RonUT (to Capt Ron)Kenneth L.MDCField goal is good, Texans win through simple purity of field goals 19-16.VegaUTCapt RonUTHey!Let’s give out some game balls!Offense - DeAndre Hopkins with the run that set up the game winning field goal (lol, the idea of a game winning touchdown).Defense - Justin Reid with his first interception of his career, hopefully the first of many.Special Teams - Ka’imi Fairbairn because glory to all field goal offense.What do you think, BRB faithful?Got someone else you’d rather give the game ball to?Got a better nickname for Keke Coutee than Pie?Want to try to rename the run that Hopkins went on in overtime?We’re all ears.Let us know in the comments! With the Texans winning the AFC South, it was a certainty that the Texans would host a playoff game on Wild Card Weekend.The only thing that was still up in the air was who they would play, when, and on what channel.We now have answers on two of those three questions.The Colts and BESFs are still playing, so the opponent is still uncertain Womens Nick Martin Jersey , but it’s looking more and more likely we’re getting a rubber game against the Colts.This seventh AFC South game will take place on Saturday afternoon at 3:35 p.m. CST (1:35 p.m. PST) on ESPN.That the Texans are playing the first game of Wild Card weekend is nothing new, as the Texans seem to always get the first game on the schedule.But now we get to listen to the awkward strains of Joe Tessitore and Jason Witten call the game with special appearances by Booger McFarland and his crane o’ wonders along the sidelines of NRG Stadium.Join us then, gentle Texans fan, for what will be an afternoon you will forget for the rest of your lives!Oh, and there are other games happening too, I suppose you might want to see the rest of the Wild Card schedule too:Saturday(6) Colts at (3) Texans - 3:35 p.m. (ESPN)(5) Seahawks at (4) Cowboys - 7:15 p.m. (FOX)Sunday(5) Chargers at (4) Ravens - 12:05 p.m. (CBS)(6) Eagles at (3) Bears - 3:40 p.m. (NBC)UPDATE:We also know when and who the Texans would play in the Divisional Round if they beat the Colts on Saturday afternoon.
05-25-2019, 08:55 PM, (This post was last modified: 05-29-2019, 11:30 AM by BishopMarquis.)
Post: #2
RE: Hair of the Dog: Texans-Cowboys
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11-01-2019, 09:46 PM,
Post: #3
RE: Hair of the Dog: Texans-Cowboys
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